Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
