I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please don't give away my fajitas
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
