no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
