I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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