Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
