sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
