worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
