My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
