Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
