remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
