Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
