I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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