he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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