Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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