I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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