I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
