Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
