Jerry, you need to find god
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
