I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize