***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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