we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
