He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
