theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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