so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
