My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
