are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize