I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
