I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
