So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Randomize
