Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
