I will die if light touches me.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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