someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
