They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
