There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
