We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Even my vagina gasped.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
