You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Found the puke drawer
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
