Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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