Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
why is half of my head shaved?
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