I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
