break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize