new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
