you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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