It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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