literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize