i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
