are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
