I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
