He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
