Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
