When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
