Barsexuality is the new black.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
