She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
