I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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