just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
