There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
