Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
