I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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