Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
