just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
