Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
