Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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