I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dear god my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
