have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Houston, we have a blender
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
