We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
