the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
